


Don’t Drink the Pee!!!

by Monsters_and_Matsu



Category: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Comedy, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, M/M, Non-Sexual, Urination, except bubby who kinda likes it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:47:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26337442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monsters_and_Matsu/pseuds/Monsters_and_Matsu
Summary: Dr. Coomer makes it his mission to get a piss drink from all his friends in Black Mesa :)I don't have a pee kink, just thought of this idea so I'm making it exist. I’m sure someone will like it or cringe at this for fun. Enjoy!
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Don’t Drink the Pee!!!

It’s another day at the world’s finest and safest facility Black Mesa! Doctor Coomer is going about his business when one driving thought enters his brain.

“I’m Thirsty!”

He took his break early and made it his mission to sniff out exactly what he wanted. He wandered the hallways looking for his friends.

“Hey uh, can I see your passport. Why you walking around?”

“Ah Benry!” Dr. Coomer turned to face him with much anticipation, “It’s a good thing I bumped into you! I’m terribly thirsty but I’m craving a very specific drink! I think you might be able to help.”

“Yeah?” Benry answered as he looked at Coomer’s passport for the twelfth time that day and handed it back to him.

“Yes, I’m in need of the good ol golden shower water!”

Benry put his hand to his own chin thinking about it for a minute, “Oh, like pee dude?”

“Correct!” Commer smiled.

“Cool, yeah sure.” Benry agreed, “One problem though. I don’t use the shitter.” He might eat and stuff but he never had to use the bathroom. He wasn’t even a hundred percent sure of everything that went on in there.

“Ah, that is quite the predicament!” The doctor hummed, “Have you considered getting a bladder installed from the cybernetics department?”

“Nah, I’ll go do that.” Benry raised his hand goodbye as he walked off.

“See you later!” Coomer continued. Though he was looking forward to that, for now he had to quench his extreme thirst some other way. Hm, where was a better place to look then the bathrooms themselves! If there was a gathering of people looking to empty their bladders it would be there! He ran himself down the hallway only to find a large “out of order sign” hanging on the door.

“Darn, today seems to be full of obstacles.” Though at a further listen, he heard chatter coming from inside. He opened the door to see Tommy standing by the stalls with a clipboard talking into a walkie talkie.

“All measurements have been taken. The- uh... now I’ll start documentation of every model number.” Tommy clicked his device off and looked up. “Hi! You can’t use this bathroom right now, it's closed.”

“No need to worry Tommy, but what are you doing in here?” Coomer walked up beside him.

“I’ve been put in charge of all statistics on the remodel! I have to note down everything!”

“Wonderful!” Coomer grinned, “Maybe you can help me if you have a moment. I was looking for people in need of using the bathroom, rather than needing to use it myself. Are you in need of a leak?”

Tommy blinked at him. “Um… Now that you mention it. I probably could.”

“Great! Just do it right here.” Coomer opened his mouth.

Tommy creased his brows and held his clipboard up as if about to hide behind it in a shocked manner, “Wha- W-Why would I do that? That’s not where you’re supposed to go...”

“It’s quite alright! I’m Thirsty!”

“But- I wouldn’t want that to happen to me. Like, when I made Sunkist the perfect dog she doesn't need to use the bathroom because nobody likes to clean that up. Plus, it must go against a lot of guidelines probably...”

Coomer tilted his head, “Does it though?”

Tommy had to think about that for a while before answering, “No.”

“Then it’s fine with me!”

Coolatta tapped his fingers against his clipboard thoughtfully, he wouldn’t do this usually just because he didn’t see a reason to. But if his co-worker was asking and there were no rules against it... then guess it was fine. “Well... okay.”

He put the clipboard under his arm and unzipped his fly while coomer bent over for him. Depositing a few warm dribbles into his mouth. Glup glup glup.

“Um, I guess I didn’t need to go as much as I thought!” Tommy said as he tucked his tip away. “Anyway, I only have today to finish this job so please excuse me.”

Coomer stood up with a small pout, that was not nearly enough so his search would continue. “Goodbye Tommy!” He left the bathroom and wandered down the hall once more. Not far were the locker rooms, He peeked his head inside seeing only one person at his locker.

“Hello Gordon!”

Freeman had just put his HEV suit away, he was almost done getting dressed in his normal clothes. “Hi Dr. Coomer. I wasn’t expecting you to be back from the lab for lunch already.” He was buttoning up his untucked shirt, bare chest peeking through the opening of his apparel.

“I left early because I am terribly thirsty, can you assist me with finding a drink?”

Freeman raised his brows, unaware of just how vague the doctor was being with his wording. “Uh... Yeah I guess so?”

“Excellent!” Dr. Coomer processed to get on his knees in front of Gordon.

“No, what the fuck. What the fuck are you doing?” Freeman tried to step back and bumped into the door of his locker. His voice and expression immediately suspicious of this situation.

“I need to drink from you, just imagine I’m a little flower and you need to water me with your pee or else I’ll die.”

“Nope nope, uh awh, I am not dealing with this shit today.” Gordon shook his head and turned his back to him. After all he’d been through he was putting his foot down. No more nonsense for him.

“But Gordon!”

“Absolutely not. There is nothing you can say to change my mind.”

Coomer stared up at him, “If you don’t, I’ll tell Benry where you live!”

Gordon tensed up and snapped his head towards Dr. Coomer, wide eyed and angry browed. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh I would, my dear bitch!”

Gordon gave him a stare so intense it could burn a hole in the old man’s head. He faced him again and started moving his hands almost frantically as he talked, “How am I even supposed to do this?? I said way before that I have fucking-- pee performance anxiety! I can barely piss at the urinals with someone next to me, let alone in your fucking face!”

“Tick tock Gordon, Benry will be back from cybernetics in no time.” Coomer tapped his wrist watch.

“I hate it here, this is workplace harassment.” Gordon just kept shaking his head, he knew he had no good choice here. He opened his pants and aimed, then looked away. Awful, he hated this. This was definitely some kind of kink thing somewhere, if somebody walked into the locker room right now his head would explode from embarrassment. Eventually he made a stream trickle out, but it was nothing impressive. Just a mouthful to make his harasser leave. He quickly turned aside to put his dick back in his pants, red faced. “There, now go away...”

Coomer stood up licking his lips, “Goodbye Gordon!” He zoomed off again.

Freeman sighed upset and mumbled, “Where would I be without friends like these? Probably in a better head space...”

* * *

He was still looking for a big satisfying drink when he noticed Darnold dancing around in his office.

Coomer let himself in, “Hello Professor Darnold! What is that you’re doing?”

“Ah! Oh hello.” Darnold replied surprised, “Well urgh... To be frank, I drank too many test samples in the mixology department and the bathroom is out of order!” He hopped around doing the pee pee dance. “I’m not even sure where there _is_ another restroom in this blasted facility!”

Dr. Coomer perked up, “You’re just the man I’ve been looking for! I believe we can help each other out.” He explained his on-going quest making Darnold squint at him.

“Hnnn I guess-” He bit his lip not wanting to wait any longer, “Fine fine, just don’t make it weird. Okay?”

“Of course! I am simply only looking for a drink.” Coomer assumed the position and Darnold was quick to comply. A waterfall was released along with Coomer’s signature vicious slurping. No matter the amount he never spilled a drop of that fresh hot liquid.

Darnold sighed in relief, “Thanks- I owe you one! Now let's never speak of this again.”

Coomer got up, “Agreed!” They gave each other a nod of solidarity. Darnold sitting at his desk so he could get back to work and Coomer went to the door to step out.

Dr. Coomer raised his head high in content, then he spotted his dear friend standing at the corner looking in his direction. “Hello Bubby! Are you on break?”

Bubby had been indeed staring and turned around to leave when Coomer called for him, as if being caught doing something bad. But Coomer quickly caught up to him.

“Is everything alright, Bubby?” Coomer smiled as he saw his face.

The other doctor raised his shoulders and stopped as he was followed. “...I don’t want to say.”

“Oh come now, you can tell your old friend Dr. Coomer!”

“Erk...” He grimaced, “Well. I saw you through Professor Darnold’s office window and I had never seen anything like that before. It made me feel weird.”

Dr. Coomer blinked questionably, “That’s not true, you had seen me indulge in that beverage at least once before!”

“Grr yeah but. That was different.” Bubby crossed his arms, closing himself off. “Something about watching you then made me want to try it too.” He admitted.

“Why didn’t you just say so?” Dr. Coomer gently gripped Bubby’s arm and pulled him into a vacant room.

Bubby’s face grew red as this all happened so suddenly, “I didn’t mean... hrm.” Maybe it was because he was grown down here in this lab and knew little of the outside world, but something about this sent tingles through him.

“I’ll always have room for another sip, you can try it if you want.” Coomer spoke kindly as he kneeled down.

Bubby argued with him a little bit out of shyness before he unbuttoned his pants and pointed his dick at him. He made a strange expression as he watched his stream fall into his co-worker’s mouth. The pleasantness of relieving himself and watching Coomer below him- it made a feeling stir inside him.

Coomer caught him off guard, as he finished he put his hand on Bubby’s thigh and leaned forward to lick an unfallen drip off his tip. “Not bad. Hope it was everything you expected!”

Bubby sputtered flusteredly and covered himself as his limp dick threatened to become not so limp. “I have to go!!!” He shoved his pants closed and ran out the door screaming, which wasn’t really that unusual for him anyway.

“I do believe this was a successful drink break!” Coomer pat himself off and made his way back to his own lab. Walking down the hallway he would see some friends. Benry had Freeman held up as he was thoroughly inspecting his passport.

“Fuck man just give it back, I want to leave.” Gordon wore a grimace waiting for the guard to let him through.

“OH yooooo, Coomer!” Benry’s attention snapped to the other doctor as soon as he approached. “Look what I just got.” He whipped his cock out.

Freeman jumped and slapped his hands to his own head, “WHAT THE FUCK, put that away!”

“Wha, no come on I just got this weird piss thing today.” Benry frowned pointing at it, “Is this what all you humans have?”

Coomer smiled, “Excellent work Benry! It looks wonderful.”


End file.
